Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Beano to the rescue, maybe not!

Has a woman ever divorced her husband due to excessive flatulence? I may just be the first woman to do so. It's a known fact that men produce a lot of gas. When I married my husband I agreed to love, honor and tolerate his gas issues but enough is enough already. Between him and the dog my house smells worse than a cat litter box. I use so many matches to destroy the smell that I should own stock in the Diamond match company (said in her best Groucho Marx voice with cigar hanging out of mouth) When my 23 year old Son...who is a pro himself regarding gas, complains about his Old Man's tooting, you know it must be bad!! We decided to have an intervention and we armed ourselves with a bottle of "gas extermination" called Beano. My husband was very resistant to part with his gas. It really has defined who he is as a person. This is a man who many years ago asked me to make the most fart producing meals so he could win a fart contest at work. After lots of negotiating and threats, he decided he would try Beano. I hand him the bottle and tell him to chew two. He refuses! Says he will wait until he has gas before he takes it. I yell, read the label....."help stop the gas before it starts". Sigh, tomorrow I plan on hiding these tablets in his food. You want to fart like a dog you will get treated like one :)


jeni@pnkgeeni said...

lol. poor you

pinkpatrice said...

Oh my gosh, that is tooooo funny! And I totally feel for you! Last night my hubby said even he was grossing himself out with his smelliness! LOL

Anne D. said...

ROFL! Oh dear.

Beano does seem to help, actually. (I also married a gassy guy.)

I light a scented candle sometimes to "burn off" the bad odors -- animal, vegetable (cabbage etc.), and human!